Thursday 20 November 2014

Israel’s Humanitarian Dome Against Norwegian Doctors

Humanitarian Dome

“Surgical strike” took on new meaning today as Israel defended itself against a Norwegian surgeon.

“Dr. Mads Gilbert is a danger to the state of Israel,” said a senior government official with a comb-over and an impeccable American accent, who prefers to remain anonymous.  “It’s bad enough for someone to save Palestinian lives at the same time that we’re trying to kill them, but this man is trying to recruit others to the cause.  He’s even trying to create pressure to stop our ethnic cleansing.  That’s downright unsanitary!”

The official was responding to international criticism of its new Humanitarian Dome defense system, designed to prevent excessive medical care from reaching Palestinians in Gaza.  “This system saves Israeli lives by preventing surgeons and other medical personnel from entering Gaza,” said the official.  “We’re implementing it in stages, starting with Dr. Gilbert, but we expect that we will soon be able to prevent up to 90% of medical practitioners from reaching their targets in Gaza.”

“How will this save Israeli lives?” I asked.

“Increasing the number of Palestinian deaths means that there will be fewer of them to attack us.  The Israeli army is doing its part, but Hamas is getting outside help to save some of these lives.  That’s why we have banned Dr. Gilbert from entering Gaza for life.”

“Dr. Gilbert seems to think that it’s because he speaks out against Israeli war crimes.”

“That’s ridiculous, Barb!  We’re a democratic state – for Jews, of course.  We can’t go around forbidding free speech, even lies, about the most moral army in the world.”

“What about the law against commemorating the Nakba (Palestinian expulsion and genocide)?
“Please, Barb.  There’s no law against such commemorations, as long as they are held individually and in private, with no outward expression.”


“In other words, if there’s no visible or audible commemoration, it’s OK?”
“Might have to include olfactory and tactile, but that’s the general idea.  Look, Barb, our objective has always been to build a Jewish and democratic state.  The problem is that we’re not yet completely Jewish.  As soon as we are, these problems will all be solved.  We’re working on that, and Humanitarian Dome is just another means of achieving that end.  Until then, please be patient.  The defense against Dr. Gilbert is just a start.”

River to Sea Uprooted Palestinian   
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